Santa went crazy
by IceCrome
Summary: Riku tells Sora the horrible truth about Santa Claus...In song. [Oneshot, No Flames, Songfic]


**IceCrome here! I want everyone to know about the real…horribly sad truth…**

**ABOUT SANTA CLAUS.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or the song.**

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"Yay Santa brought me the plutonium rod I asked for!" Little Sora replied happily, which made Riku raise his eyebrow in that sexy way.

"What?"

"I mean…Santa got me those square-os I wanted!" _(A/N: It's a take off of Lego's.)_

"Sora, you still believe in Santa?"

"Uh-huh! Kairi does too!"

"/sigh/ crap…I'm going to have to tell you the real truth about Santa-."

"In Song?"

"Yep." Magically, Sora's house transformed into a stage with a microphone.

BET YOU DID'NT KNOW HE HAD A STAGE BACK THERE.

SO KNOW WHAT!

"Alright Sora…I give you…the sad truth about Santa…"

_Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys  
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys  
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death  
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath_

"Whiskey?" Little Sora cocked his head.

_From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo  
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo  
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,  
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"_

"NO!"

_The night Santa went crazy  
The night St. Nick went insane  
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal  
Something finally must have snapped in his brain_

"He's old! What do you expect?!"

_Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it  
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet  
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage  
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage_

"NO! NOT RUDOLPH!!!!!!!! AND WHERE IS HE GETTING THE NUKES?!"

_He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger  
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger  
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen  
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"_

"HE'S EATING THEM!!!!" Sora was in a fetal position with a thumb in his mouth.

_The night Santa went crazy  
The night Kris Kringle went nuts  
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole  
Without steppin' in reindeer guts_

"Mommy loves me; mommy loves me, HAPPY THOUGHTS!" Sora screeched.

_There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.  
There's a van from the Eyewitness News  
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky  
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'  
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?  
My my my my my my  
You used to be such a jolly guy_

"You made it sound like…'jolly gay!'" Sora said; surprised at the language he was learning from Riku.

_Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time  
In a federal prison for his infamous crime  
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears  
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years_

"I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!"

_But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous  
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service  
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night  
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights_

"STOP!"

_They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy  
The night St. Nicholas flipped  
Broke his back for some milk and cookies  
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped_

"I made those cookies myself…" He sniffed.

_Wo, the night Santa went crazy  
The night St. Nick went insane  
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal  
Something finally must have snapped in his brain  
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain  
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain_

Riku jumped down from the stage and headed over to the scarred Sora.

"So…"

"I know now."

"Do you want me to do the emergency thing?"  
"Yes…please…" Riku shot multiple shots of sedative into his neck, and carried the poor boy to the Insane Asylum.

_3 months later…_

"Okay Kai, it's time for Sora to come out of the Asylum." Riku opened the door, and found some random doctor named 'Stacie' with Sora in a wheel chair.

"Hey Sora, how you feeling?" Kairi asked.

"Santa…has…deceived me…"

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**I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU LOOK THAT SONG UP ON YOUTUBE.**

**Anyway…R&R and no flames.**

**Or else they will be taunted and made fun of.**


End file.
